BREAKING: Former President Barack Obama Implicated in Illegal Hoops & Yoyo E-Card Scandal

  In a shocking turn of events, former U.S. President Barack Obama has been hilariously (and perhaps unjustly) linked to an underground network of unlicensed Hoops & Yoyo e-cards, reportedly distributed through a secret backchannel of early 2000s fan forums and suspiciously pink USB drives.

The scandal, dubbed “Card-Gate,” began when a retired Hallmark intern leaked a 45-second animated e-card featuring Hoops shouting “Happy Birthday, Barack!” while Yoyo did the worm across a flaming Constitution.

Investigators claim the card was not approved by Hallmark, and even worse—it featured bootleg voice acting recorded in what experts are calling “a suspiciously echoey Chicago basement.”

In 2007, Obama allegedly receives a “Happy Tuesday” e-card featuring Hoops & Yoyo yelling about muffins. In 2011, during a routine email leak, a message titled “🎉 U R GR8 – from da BUNNEEZ 🐰” was found in Obama's inbox, raising alarms in the highest levels of the NSA. In 2023, authorities discover a private server codenamed YoyoNet, where over 3,000 unlicensed Hoops & Yoyo e-cards were being shared by former government officials and nostalgic millennials.

In a press conference held at his home in Martha’s Vineyard, Obama responded:

“Look, I love those little guys. The bunny and the pink cat—or is it a dog? Doesn’t matter. They brought joy to my inbox. But did I commission the ‘You Da Prez!’ birthday remix with dubstep? No. That was Sasha’s idea.”

The Obama Foundation has since issued a formal apology to Hallmark, offering lifetime subscriptions to Michelle Obama’s podcast as compensation.

Hallmark released a strongly worded yet whimsically fonted statement:

“While we appreciate President Obama’s support of Hoops & Yoyo, we do not condone the illegal duplication of our aggressively cheerful intellectual property. Also, we’re flattered. But still mad.






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